Ego tripping with the phrase "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend"

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speakthetruth

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here's a thought of mine that i feel not too many other people express but am certain that there are many who understand,,, So sometimes i'll meet some person, or even see one i've already met, and they will be with someone i haven't met before, and soon following either by me asking, or the person will introduce that one to me, but (most of the time) before the person even says the name , they say " this is MY girlfriend, blah" , or boyfriend, and then the name. To me, this sounds like a phrase coming from someone who likes to control things outside him/herself by extending a part of themselves unto someone who they share a relationship with, not just a friend who happens to also be a lover, but almost a possession when you throw the word "my" in with the introduction. alot of the time when we use those words girlfriend or boyfriend, the only difference from the word "friend" to most people is that a friend isnt a one with intimacy, which is what i disagree with because i havent had too many intimate relationships, nor am i currentely in one, but when i have a relationship with someone that includes intimacy, whenever in a scenario were i might introduce that someone, i will always say thier name, and depending on who im telling, if it's a dear friend, then ill let them know this is my dear friend too, so really i wont ever tell anyone that this person is "mine" by saying "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" , (unless that's maybe what they want) because when you hang out with that person and your other friends, your other friends will eventually get the picture that you and that person got something deep going on. The only things we have control of are ourselves.
 
I dont think someone introducing their significant other as "my boyfriend/girlfriend" is a means of expressing "control". There are many other circumstances where people are given a title other than their names when being introduced. For example: my friend, my sister, my brother, my mom, my grandma...so on and so forth. Ive never felt offended being introduced as someones girlfriend and I certainly have never been trying to show my "possession" over another by calling them my boyfriend. Control is exhibited through actions, not by the use of a noun. Thats just my personal opinion...
 
I've always felt out my partners feelings on this type of shit. I was once with a girl who felt I didn't take our relationship seriously due my lack of referring to her as "my girlfriend." There's lots of different types of relationships too. I have friends I've been intimate with on various occassions over the years who I would never think of referring to as my girlfriend(s). However, if I'm in a committed / exclusive relationship, I feel that calling my partner my girlfriend in public shows that she means more to me than most people and I'm not afraid to let people know.


I don't know... I'm drunk....... fuck this pc bullshit.
 
Really...? your calling this ego tripping? I think it's more of a case of recognition for the relationship your in, no matter what the tittle may be. friend, acquaintance, lover, boyfriend girlfriend, what have you. I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with "ego".
 
speakthetruth said:
...whenever in a scenario were i might introduce that someone...then ill let them know this is my dear friend too...
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- with attention to the my in "my dear friend".
Because generally one doesn't introduce the friends or girlfriends of other people, unless those persons are away (e.g., "This is Jim's friend, but I don't really know him yet." or "That's Steve's boyfriend, not mine.").
I don't see it as controlling these or other people as much as making the connections for the people you are making the introductions to.
 
I'd much rather introduce them first as the individual they are, saying something like, "Hey this is *individuals name*! Who happens to be fucking rad and my partner!"
And I'd appreciate that in return, as well. It does seems fucking controlling in a way when in the past partners have been like... "This is my girlfriend." I am more than your fucking girlfriend, sweetheart.
 
I think that the way someone says "this is my girlfriend" is more importnat than if they say it. Many people introduce their bf/gf this way, and I think the only time it can be considered an ego-tripping kind of thing is when the person saying it is obviously ego tripping.
 
people only speak of others in terms of how they feel they are related to them.

if you don't feel that saying"my---" is ok, then dont.

but I see no underlying issues of control.

I guess it could be construed as some type of defenseivness... if you're in a group of people and you want to protect your relationship from interlopers, you're def gonna say "MY" but that's kinda stretching things... mostly people just say it cuz that's how people talk.
 
speakthetruth said:
here's a thought of mine that i feel not too many other people express but am certain that there are many who understand,,, So sometimes i'll meet some person, or even see one i've already met, and they will be with someone i haven't met before, and soon following either by me asking, or the person will introduce that one to me, but (most of the time) before the person even says the name , they say " this is MY girlfriend, blah" , or boyfriend, and then the name. To me, this sounds like a phrase coming from someone who likes to control things outside him/herself by extending a part of themselves unto someone who they share a relationship with, not just a friend who happens to also be a lover, but almost a possession when you throw the word "my" in with the introduction. alot of the time when we use those words girlfriend or boyfriend, the only difference from the word "friend" to most people is that a friend isnt a one with intimacy, which is what i disagree with because i havent had too many intimate relationships, nor am i currentely in one, but when i have a relationship with someone that includes intimacy, whenever in a scenario were i might introduce that someone, i will always say thier name, and depending on who im telling, if it's a dear friend, then ill let them know this is my dear friend too, so really i wont ever tell anyone that this person is "mine" by saying "my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" , (unless that's maybe what they want) because when you hang out with that person and your other friends, your other friends will eventually get the picture that you and that person got something deep going on. The only things we have control of are ourselves.
Click to expand...

I totally agree.
I have been in relationships where it has been appropriate to say "my girlfriend/my boyfriend", but it was appropriate because we were monogamous and viewed each other as property, which sucks. I don't have those types of relationships anymore.

It does seem ideal to use the name first and their relationship to you second, like mandocalypse said, but that takes practice and I am still working on it. In the meantime I use the copout of replacing the word "girl/boyfriend" with "partner", which is better because for some reason when radical kids say that it doesn't have as much possessive connotations, and I like to make it clear that we are actually Partners: working with eachother for the benefit of whoever is involved.

oh but more importantly fuck that pc stuff.. feelings are stupid and oppressive behavior that isn't talked about should STAY not talked about, jerk!
 
I think it's just a matter of personal preference. What sucks for one, might be glorious for another. I'm glad to say I'm his girl, and he's my guy. Actually I couldn't think of anything else in the world right now that would sound better. :)
 
I think saying " this is my girlfriend, ________" sounds better than saying "this is my fuck toy, ________"
 
I can see your point, but doing this might help to avoid a messy situation later when people are drunk and less perceptive and civilized. And like others said you don't know the dynamics of those two people's relationship. Sometimes it prolly is a subtle act of control on that persons part, but not in all situations. But really who gives a fuck?
 
I guess i don't think its really worth worrying about. Do what the fuck you want man. It's between the people in the relationship...
 
I introduce the person I'm with by their name, I don't mention any sort of relationship, people can figure that out by how we are toward each other. I try to avoid saying my and I know it bugs me if other people say I'm theirs. If people ask if someone is "my" boyfriend/girlfriend, I tell them that me and X are seeing each other. But that's just me, I've seen ton of people in non-coercive manipulative relationships that say "my boyfriend/girlfriend" all the time...
 
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