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Hitchhiking the Great Ocean Road

3 days and 1000 kilometers

What's up my dudes, so me and @Caro here from StP have been unknowingly co-occupying Melbourne. We met up at Lentils the other day and it didn't take us more than a brief introduction to decide to hitchhike the Great Ocean Road together. By the time we had finished our veggie burgers, the underground tunnels were on the table as well. Hitting the road was the most natural thing in the world, despite the ceaseless references to Wolf Creek and astute observations of our gender provided by the Australian people.


Spotted: wild strippers masked by hoodies and pajama bottoms. The lady in the passenger seat had some interesting insights into the American Military-Industrial complex. Bad Bitches Don't Give A Fuck (except when it regards unfair power structures)


My junk in the trunk to the second power.




Pictured above: a sampling of what we subsided on for a few days: the fanciest motherfucking coffee you will ever see (Melbourne's got a coffee complex), cheese, crackers, and hella chocolate. This was in Kaos Kafe in which the barista could be found screeching about Lou Reed and all sorts of indiscernible subjects.


There's hella tourism van companies around here that rent out vans to backpackers and such and each of them are painted to different theme. This one we got a ride from was decked out in Red Hot Chili Peppers. The homies who picked us up were from Miami and were well-versed in the phrasing "TRUUUUUUEEE".


Caro tagging the inside of the van.


Typical Great Ocean Road views.


Sprawling out in the back of the van.


Tourist trap/actually really cool cause there's a little koala population right nearby so you can walk around and see koalas. Not pictured: photos of koalas because those little fuckers climb so high into the trees, any photo you have of them just looks like a protrusion from the tree and not a marsupial.


The beach where we set up camp the first night.



Ruby, the fisherman's dog. Summary: Caro is pro-dog. Caro Stamp Of Approval.


Looking to have some bitch cut? Call 1-800-FUCK-BITCHES (bitch referring to gender-irrelevant ass-butt)



Beach near the Twelve Apostles.


Two of the 12 Apostles: Bushwacked out to this spot, seeking refuge from the massive amount of tourists at the viewpoints.


Sheep!!!!!!!! Sheep everywhere!!!!!!!!!


Our setup in Apollo Bay, night 2.


Stopped by Bells Beach on the way back to Melbourne.


Nudie beach. Had a staring contest with a naked man and his dingly dong.



Here for the VHS revival. Praise the Lord of Air Bud remakes and gumball machines. Blockbuster is very much alive and in business here in Aussie Land. Their employee was not amused when we barged in yelling "WAIT YOU GUYS AREN'T OUT OF BUSINESS HAHA WHAT"


In Summary, the Aussie coastline and countryside are beautiful and the people are kind. No matter how small the town or short the ride, people have real stories and funny personalities. At the end of the day, your left thumb stretched out at the road is just as good as your right thumb being stuck up your very own butt ::finger:: hole.
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Matt Derrick

Permanent Wanderer
Staff member
Aug 4, 2006
Austin, TX
surprised i didn't see this until now, but this is a great report back from your adventure. bonus points cause im really interested in traveling australia myself! added this to our 'best of' list!
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sleeps 22 hours a day, eats chutes and leaves
Nov 3, 2015
Sweet, thanks @Matt Derrick! I know, you've been saying, you really got to get down to Straya when you can! I'm planning on going back in the fall for about a year so there's more where this came from ;D

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