GinGin
New member
Yep. Just like the title says, is how I feel. Life is good don't get me wrong, but shit just doesn't make sense without being on the road. My ideals: sold for 9.50 an hour at a local convenient store, for a paycheck I have no idea how to spend(or save for that matter ). So, obviously the most reasonable way to spend it is on some dank weed and ridiculously flavored blunts with the occasional natty daddy or OE thrown in for good measure, right!? Wrong. Shit sucks dude. That shit doesn't really solve the problem, granted though it does get me fucked up which is always good, but damn man shit still sucks when that shit fades out. I feel like I'm slowly turning myself into a zombie, with my full permission and I don't even feel like I care. But I do. Memories of being on the road, hopping out, and meeting the nicest and craziest people you ever expect to ever meet feel like a dream. They just don't feel real anymorel. Especially when your looking down the barrel of meaningless employment, monotony, an alienation. I feel like I'm killing that old part of myself off, and I don't know how to feel about it. That bullshit line "you're an adult now and this is what adults do" keeps running thorough my head and it's frankly fucking retarded to me. Fuck being an "adult" I'm 23 years old and goddammit I still feel like a kid. I just want to say fuck the future and enjoy my time on this earth riding trains and doing me(whatever the fuck that means) But I do have a good and loving family, no matter how hard life was growing up they always had my back and I am eternally grateful. Being Cape Verdean means a lot, culturally we fall along the lines of family first and the idea of codependency is commonplace, more so than most cultures. So I'm here now in my hometown trying not to make my grandmother, my mom, my aunt, and my sisters cry when I say I want to leave an get back on the road. A lot of people say you gotta live your own life but when I look at it a lot of people lived their lives for me instead of their own, so brushing them off is pretty hard( and fucked up) thing to do. At the same time I see no high paying job in my future so the good I am to them seems insignificant if jot futile, but I don't know. Maybe next summer I'll be back on the road, maybe I won't, I can't say for sure. All I know now is that in pretty buzzed and bored as fuck, which I a extremely privileged existence in comparison to most of the people on this earth, so I guess I should jut shut the fuck up and be happy. Anyways signing off, hopefully there's more resin in this pipe to be smoked 
That's a lot of typing there dude! and a lot of your life. Where you thinking of taking off too? I understand the family worrying - I get that even now and I am certainly not a youngster when I talk with my Mom (sister and brothers are a meh - they are used to me with the more wild lifestyle hehe) . But they are family.
Once January gets here I'll kill for the road.