Looking for intellectual philosophers to chat with. (1 Viewer)

andybdirty

I'm a d-bag and got banned.
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I thought it was kinda funny that this one guy said he was a bad kid and got in trouble a lot in high school. Partying seems so mainstream in American culture that not getting in trouble is more non-conformist than breaking the law. It's disappointing how stupid Americans are such as an 18 year old boy recently dying at a fraternity party at Cornell University recently. It's often the rich kids at elite schools that are the most ignorant. Although, I've been to jail, a federal misdemeanor, for spray-painting "FUCK WAR 4 OIL" on a federal courthouse in Salt Lake City in 2011 because I was unemployed, really bored, and almost drunk from drinking beer at the bar and did it impulsively because I was frustrated with the violent state of Iraq and happened to have some black spray-paint in my backpack while I was walking down the street. I did a really good, fast job with making block-like letters and probably would have gotten away with it and not gotten caught if it wasn't afternoon lunch time and a federal marshall and attorney were nearby and grabbed me and took me into the courthouse detention. I did 6 weeks in protective custody (also non as solitary confinement aka sensory deprivation) and it messed me up pretty bad, but recently doing LSD has improved my anxiety/PTSD. I am looking into getting SSDI with back-pay because of how traumatic sensory deprivation PTSD is as well as long-term homelessness and unemployment. I lost my driver license from an outstanding ticket that I failed to appear for in about 2008 in Phoenix and then had my car confiscated and was without a driver license in Salt Lake City for about 3 years. Because of how strict my father was and being a perfectionist, the verbal abuse and authoritarian nature of my upbringing made it so that I lacked the confidence necessary to get a job. I have been unemployed more of my life than employed. However, I am proud of my struggles and not being a greedy dick, although I regret all of the idle time and not moving around more to find more positive situations.


I was a really good, nerdy kid and never went to or was invited to any parties in high school and mostly just spent time with a small clique of nerdy guys, having sleepovers with them, playing video games, and watching movies. I went to the skatepark a lot by myself, and to like a few hundred local concerts by myself often.

I have struggled with around 8 years of social isolation because my high school friends abandoned me when I moved away and chose not to reconnect with me or help me when I moved back to Michigan a few times over the years. I became very angry and frustrated about my homelessness when I finally started working again about 3-4 years ago and the verbal abuse from my father and lack of real support/help resulted in me making death threats to my father and the rest of my family (but mostly just my father). Despite having no history of violence, my father was incredibly stupid and petitioned to put me into a psychiatric hospital and I was there for 2 weeks. One of the biggest mistakes of my life was moving back to Saginaw County because the people there are absolutely trash, really bad, stupid, ignorant people, including my own family.


I believe I was misdiagnosed as psychotic and given shots of the anti-psychotic Invega and the pill abilify. Abilify made me really restless and Invega really messed me up emotionally for up to 6 months. I became so lonely from the Invega side-effects and frustrated from being able to find a job from the assholes in my economically declined hometown that I ended up breaking a glass on my parents new kitchen floor and was banned from my parents house (I had my own apartment in Saginaw about 2 years ago). The loneliness was too much for me and I kicked in their door a few times. It resulted in a home-invasion charge and more PTSD from the horrible conditions of the local Saginaw city jail. It's really horrifying that my brother and sister have abandoned me for no reason and my parents do not talk to me anymore, except my father very briefly maybe twice per month. They are horrible, selfish people and I will never forgive them for not helping me, socially neglecting me, and just being selfish, manipulative people that would not just accept me for who I am, who I wanted to be, and deciding to ignore me because they were too emotionally retarded and cried when I moved to the west coast. They could have afforded to have me fly home often but would not do that. This is why I have lost touch with all of my friends and family. It's like home alone because I am not invited to family parties any more.
I was given a delayed sentence and pled guilty because my parents refused to drop the charges and said that they would testify against me. They seem to care more about decorating their house and luxury posessions than having their child have a good life and be successful and happy. They are superficial scum. The delayed sentence said that the 3rd degree felony home-invasion charge would become a misdemeanor after a year of probation was successfully completed. My public defender did not care that my parents were verbally abusive and neglectful. She was lazy and did not do anything to help me. I moved to a house in Detroit and my roommate punched me and attacked me for no reason about 4 times, slowly increasing the physical abuse over time. He freaked out when I went into his room to turn off his radio when it was blasting loud and he had left the house. He came into my bedroom without permission and punched me really hard, twice. I was fed up and called 911 to have him arrested, out of the house and into jail so I could have the place to myself. The property manager was a woman who claimed that her husband was a retired detective for the Detroit police department. When the police came, the roommate called the house owner and the couple showed up. They talked to the police inside the house while I was across the street talking to a different police officer. I went to jail for about 2-3 nights and the holding cells were actually better than Saginaw. It was bigger, more humane/clean, and they gave us little cushy mattresses at night to sleep on - but made us turn them in during the day. The Detroit people were also a lot cooler, nicer and smarter than the Saginaw assholes I had to deal with in the Sasginaw county jail. I went to the Hamtrack Hotel and Hostel to get back on my feet and to find a new place to stay, and about a week or two later I received a call from my probation officer and said that I needed to turn myself in to the Saginaw county jail for "violent behavior." I cannot imagine why a probation officer would blame the vicitim of violence. My debit card had a fraudulent charge on it and so I had to wait a week to get my daily-pay debit card re-activated on my DoorDash driver account. I was homeless and my parents refused to give me enough money to get a motel or hostel room (only $25 a day). Sleeping in my car and not having enough income was too humiliating for me so I took the money I had and used it for gas and moved to Washington DC where the hostels were a lot cheaper.
I was pulled over by a Virginia officer when a neighbor called the police for me sleeping in my car on their gravel side driveway on the edge of their property. This was maybe March of 2019. The police officers called Michigan probation and they said it was "in-state pickup only" so I have not gone back to Michigan again except for a day or two. I am hoping the felony judge is cool enough to not enter a default felony judgment for me. I am considering writing to the judge to see if he will give me any hints about how he will rule for my upcoming court date. I am also going to ask for a different public defender. My public defender, a black woman, refused to call and ask about the status of my case in Detroit (I assume all charges are dropped, it was merely corrupt intimidation) nor defend my probation case in front of the judge for me. She lied and said that she was not allowed to work on my case because the old case had been completed.
The lack of help I get is very wrong and I hate society for this. I believe that I am better than most people because of my desire to help others. I believe in cooperation and unity, as well as following the law. I desire to travel in Canada where it is more diverse, more intelligent, more artsy, better culture, and the laws are more fair and less fascist. I hate America and like to burn American flags for a hobby. I also plan on traveling Mexico, and especially South America. If I can afford it then I will go overseas as well. I prefer Asian, Russian and South America culture to most others. Australians are pretty cool, too. I am a single man but not looking to date.

A few of my favorite bands are anti-flag, Against All authority, and The Suicide Machines but mostly I listen to classical piano and ambience such as Aphex Twin.

I am a democratic communist but I hate American liberals and democrats because they are so politically correct and generally do not believe in freedom of speech. I like to say that I am on the far left political spectrum but not politically correct. Modern labels would call this "libertarian socialist" but this is the original, historical definition of the word "libertarian."
 
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Matt Derrick

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... Working on saving up $225 to get my passport as soon as possible in case I become a felon.

if you 'become a felon' that's definitely going to prevent you from leaving the country unless it's been resolved (aka you served your time). also even then some countries will not let you enter with a felony on your record. just so you know.
 
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if you 'become a felon' that's definitely going to prevent you from leaving the country unless it's been resolved (aka you served your time). also even then some countries will not let you enter with a felony on your record. just so you know.
Thats not true...if he gets a passport before becoming a felon, he can still go many places.
 

Matt Derrick

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Maybe, if he's lucky. I doubt it tho, if you have an active felony that you are wanted for, they have a vested interest in flagging your passport to avoid you leaving the country.
 
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Thats not true...if he gets a passport before becoming a felon, he can still go many places.
I mean, he probably couldn't go to certain places in Europe but Mexico or anywhere south of there is not going to stop or even look at his criminal background.
 
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Maybe, if he's lucky. I doubt it tho, if you have an active felony that you are wanted for, they have a vested interest in flagging your passport to avoid you leaving the country.
Yeah, but being wanted and being convicted are two different things.
Only one way to find out hey dude let us know how it goes hahaha
 
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... Working on saving up $225 to get my passport as soon as possible in case I become a felon.
you could always run off to Central America and teach English basically for the rest of your life. There are plenty of private schools there that don't require any form of certification and they are always desperate for teachers.
 

MFB

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Andy the Dirty, Destruction by Definition by the Suicide Machines was my jaaam when I was a kid! So good. 'Sometimes I dont mind' is my pup and I's song.

And you should give hating stuff a lil less a whirl. Youll like it. 😉
 

Django

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Hey OP I don't know if you're reading the comments but I just wanna let you know that I have absolutely no advice for you, I do t know you and we will never meet,
Yet I want to express my love and support to you, for what it's worth. I'm so terribly sorry for your life path and how things just didn't work out for you,
So just so you know, somewhere between Alaska and Argentina (for the next few years at least), there's a guy out there that send you good and positive thoughts.
I'll be glad to see a post from you every now and then and hopefully things will be better.
Stay positive, and really know that there is a happy thought for you out there.

Django.
 
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You have some valid points. Beyond that I think your needs are beyond the scope of what STP members have to offer. You have shared some pretty candid shit thats beyond "hey man lets travel around and talk philosophy and stuff."

Your pattern of bad relationships and abandonment (family, friends, and otherwise) seem to have pushed you into a very misanthropic corner. The negativity will do nothing except keep you in that corner, the music probably wont help either.

I don't know what else to say.
 
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I hate to admit it, but I definitely relate to many of this guy's sentiments.
I really do think he would be happier in another country.
People do migrate.
 

roughdraft

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I hate to admit it, but I definitely relate to many of this guy's sentiments.
I really do think he would be happier in another country.
People do migrate.

There is definitely more of a difference country-to-country and state-to-state than it seems is popular to note. I for one am definitely not trying to spend the rest of my life in the USA just because I'm here right now.

At the same time there is so much truth in the appeal of 'escapism' being the answer whereas the real answer isn't just that, although it can be a helpful element of a real change for one person.
 

MFB

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I hate to admit it, but I definitely relate to many of this guy's sentiments.
I really do think he would be happier in another country.
People do migrate.

I agree with the idea of finding a place thats right for you; however there's also something in the idea of 'ya cant run from yourself'
 
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I agree with the idea of finding a place thats right for you; however there's also something in the idea of 'ya cant run from yourself'
Yeah I disagree with you bro. Coming from someone who has spent multiple years outside of the country, I can genuinely say I was overall happier. Refer to dude's post above where he states how under noted differences are amongst countries.
You're response is cliche and naive to me. Although perhaps it does apply to the original poster, hard to say.
 

roughdraft

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Yeah I disagree with you bro. Coming from someone who has spent multiple years outside of the country, I can genuinely say I was overall happier. Refer to dude's post above where he states how under noted differences are amongst countries.
You're response is cliche and naive to me. Although perhaps it does apply to the original poster, hard to say.

I think @MFB is sayin that you gotta be right with yourself before anything else can make a difference.
 
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I think @MFB is sayin that you gotta be right with yourself before anything else can make a difference.
yeah but if you're in an environment where you are basically never going to be comfortable then there's really no way you can be right with yourself.
 

MFB

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Yeah I disagree with you bro. Coming from someone who has spent multiple years outside of the country, I can genuinely say I was overall happier. Refer to dude's post above where he states how under noted differences are amongst countries.
You're response is cliche and naive to me. Although perhaps it does apply to the original poster, hard to say.

Perhaps youre a person that's happy with themselves to begin with!
The sentiment of my post is obvious; if you're an unhappy person you'll take it with you where ever you go.
 

roughdraft

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yeah but if you're in an environment where you are basically never going to be comfortable then there's really no way you can be right with yourself.

this is a pretty good discussion. One might say you gotta expose yourself to discomfort in order to learn how to 'make' yourself comfortable. Then all that stuff about how humans are super adaptable, we adapt to every climate blah blah. I'd say there are varying degrees of comfort and discomfort as well as different qualities of comfort and discomfort so as usual we got a bunch of objective/quantitative & subjective/qualitative variables buzzing around 24/7.

Basically I've been good in and out of the States and also had some shit times in and out of the States. I think I'd ultimately be happier out permanently when the time is right for me. At the same time I wouldn't be crazy surprised if I found a great/sustainable happiness inside the States, yet it isn't my long-term goal or focus. Anyway all this only applies to the speaker 'until further notice'.
 

MFB

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And while I appreciate your opinions, maybe dont call people's posts cleache and niave when they're trying to help.
Better to be kind than right. ;)
 

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