A strange, amazing thing, last night...
After leaving North Dakota, having been strung up & stranded, though not badly & by some measures not at all.. though entirely by my own fucking doing...
Providence offered an Escape..
totally unexpected..
now.. i was up there, lazy, funked & unbusy for.. 2 months, i guess..
i had been in cali (where i *want* to be), looking for work, took a drive up to WA to find some, fucked the interview because of physical defects (hearing & teeth.. yes.. fucking teeth..), then called in an obligation, thinking there was some work in N. Dakota.
Hoidy Fuck..
anyways.. nothing going on.. not a bad place to be, if being someplace is all there is to be, but not a good place to be, if you want to be something more than being.
hence funk.
i couldn't be anything more than just fucking being.
although... there was some stuff to work on... & not just project shit..
basic bedrock shit..
sooo..
i got a call.. unexpected, but bread thrown on water, some time ago...
& "hell *yes* i will take that job!! hell YES!!"
but.. sitting on the shitter up there still came with obligations..
promises between persons with an outhouse & persons with a mansion are *exactly* the same thing.. hopefully that is what defines friendship, above and beyond any bullshit of "business"..
or.. fuck.. just what a promise should be...
anyways...
so, here is the "Soooo..." part...
have you ever been in a situation you thought was almost too fucked up to escape from, then grab at a straw, only to land in a place that was better than what you hoped for, to begin with?
& then.. though i haven't seen this *yet*.. melt in front of your eyes, before you even ever got to really taste it??
i landed yesterday.. got a sweet place about 4000 feet from work..
fuck, i could walk, each day...
saw a beautifull, beautifull sunset...
i can see the bay..
totally, 100% unexpected..
my God.. i hope the job is ok..
please don't let this shit melt down..
there is a marina next door.. there are some nice old boats that i bet are for fucking sale..
but fuck.. if it melts down?
my fucking teeth will melt with it..
existence is badass..
fucking volatile, conscious & not really all that prone to compromising...
but it *may* be fucking mercifull... i dun fucking know..
it probably doesn't give a shit about mercy, but will hell damn ream us over issues of truth.
which is only about the truth you give, while you exist..
anyways..
i tell you this, mother fuckers..
in existence there are two forces;
desire & duty.
coolness, beauty, meaning, salvation, joy, happiness, etc. etc. etc. etc.etc..
mean fucking nothing..
there is one truth, if you have the nuts, blood, balls, love or devotion for it;
there is one truth, & that is 'duty'..
get your finger on that, & you change history, like butterflies' wings or nuclear bombs..
desire & duty...
never, ever, ever choose desire over duty, because duty is the place between itself & desire..
a being is always free to choose..
*what* they choose is where the one of the two begin...
After leaving North Dakota, having been strung up & stranded, though not badly & by some measures not at all.. though entirely by my own fucking doing...
Providence offered an Escape..
totally unexpected..
now.. i was up there, lazy, funked & unbusy for.. 2 months, i guess..
i had been in cali (where i *want* to be), looking for work, took a drive up to WA to find some, fucked the interview because of physical defects (hearing & teeth.. yes.. fucking teeth..), then called in an obligation, thinking there was some work in N. Dakota.
Hoidy Fuck..
anyways.. nothing going on.. not a bad place to be, if being someplace is all there is to be, but not a good place to be, if you want to be something more than being.
hence funk.
i couldn't be anything more than just fucking being.
although... there was some stuff to work on... & not just project shit..
basic bedrock shit..
sooo..
i got a call.. unexpected, but bread thrown on water, some time ago...
& "hell *yes* i will take that job!! hell YES!!"
but.. sitting on the shitter up there still came with obligations..
promises between persons with an outhouse & persons with a mansion are *exactly* the same thing.. hopefully that is what defines friendship, above and beyond any bullshit of "business"..
or.. fuck.. just what a promise should be...
anyways...
so, here is the "Soooo..." part...
have you ever been in a situation you thought was almost too fucked up to escape from, then grab at a straw, only to land in a place that was better than what you hoped for, to begin with?
& then.. though i haven't seen this *yet*.. melt in front of your eyes, before you even ever got to really taste it??
i landed yesterday.. got a sweet place about 4000 feet from work..
fuck, i could walk, each day...
saw a beautifull, beautifull sunset...
i can see the bay..
totally, 100% unexpected..
my God.. i hope the job is ok..
please don't let this shit melt down..
there is a marina next door.. there are some nice old boats that i bet are for fucking sale..
but fuck.. if it melts down?
my fucking teeth will melt with it..
existence is badass..
fucking volatile, conscious & not really all that prone to compromising...
but it *may* be fucking mercifull... i dun fucking know..
it probably doesn't give a shit about mercy, but will hell damn ream us over issues of truth.
which is only about the truth you give, while you exist..
anyways..
i tell you this, mother fuckers..
in existence there are two forces;
desire & duty.
coolness, beauty, meaning, salvation, joy, happiness, etc. etc. etc. etc.etc..
mean fucking nothing..
there is one truth, if you have the nuts, blood, balls, love or devotion for it;
there is one truth, & that is 'duty'..
get your finger on that, & you change history, like butterflies' wings or nuclear bombs..
desire & duty...
never, ever, ever choose desire over duty, because duty is the place between itself & desire..
a being is always free to choose..
*what* they choose is where the one of the two begin...
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