I don't know the details of your story but it sounds like you lack a sense of fulfillment, which I do know a lot about. And that's a really bleak, depressing existence, but I don't have to tell you that. What I can tell you is that enjoying life comes from the inside, not from what you have.
people have found happiness and peace in pretty shitty places without much, I think gratitude has a lot to do with it. I look at it like this, being grateful for the good parts of your life makes positive energy, and for reasons beyond my understanding, that positive energy attracts positive people and creates positive things.
everyone gets their happiness and peace in their own way. Some choose their family, some people choose religion, others meditate or find spirituality, the latter being my choice. Sitting or lying down with my eyes closed, with or without music, and just appreciating and feeling peaceful and realizing all the shit I worry about is totally meaningless refreshes me and gets my mood up.
so, idk man, what I wrote is probably bullshit to you because I know when I felt the way you did, it sounded like bullshit to me, but, for reasons which are too long to explain, I just ended up giving in to spirituality and I'll be damned I'm a new person. So find what works for you, a house won't fill the void as you already know.
but don't kill yourself, feeling like dying and then one day not feeling like dying and liking life is a crazy awesome feeling and you will look back at this time and just be so happy you don't feel that way. I tried to kill myself twice in a week last month and after the second failure, I said fuck it, if I gotta live then I'm gonna be happy
